I am a fixer.

I don’t believe in leaving things broken. I have never been a person to break something and walk away, especially when it comes to people. I only leave when I can see that a person doesnt want my help or advice, and there is nothing left for me to do.

My methods to friendship are overwhelming for many. I get too involved in wanting to help people, I love them too much and I want to see them succeed. When I see a problem, I try to fix it, but as I have learned, it is never my place to do so, regardless of the great place it is coming from. I love the people in my life a lot; I don’t waste my time with people I do not care about. My friends are everything to me, and I hate when I see people treat them as anything less than exceptional. Are all my friends perfect? God, no. They have flaws and traits I cannot stand, but underneath their tardiness and fears of commitments, they are kind and caring people who have gone out of their way to help me. I love them all.

With love comes care, and I show my care for people in a more aggressive way than others. I listen to their problems and then I go into problem solving mode because boundaries are a thing of the past if a friends mental health is in jeopardy. I love my friends, I just don’t always love their friends or romantic partners or anyone in their life who I deem toxic. Now I know what you are thinking, “Naomi, it sounds like you are trying to control your friends choices. Why dont you just let them make these mistakes on their own?”. You know, these are beautiful points that would have to mean that I respect peoples choices and want to see my friends get emotionally crumbled. I hate to see my friends in any type of pain that is preventable.

There is never a nice way to word that you want the best for someone and all of their choices have led you to be a crazy person because you can see how volatile a partner or friend is for them. It is kind of like sitting in your parked car at the edge of a walmart parking lot screaming. People on the outside can see you, but nobody in your personal life will know just how bad it is.

I care too much, I am overbearing, I am a helicopter friend. Never from a bad place, but it gets misconstrued as being a Bitch or control freak. All valid, just not what my intention is. When I realize I cannot fix a problem, I leave. I walk away before I get anymore hurt or embarrassed by the problems, and I slowly creep back in when the problem is gone.

I wait for my friends to break up with their toxicity, and I come back. What does it say that I leave? Am I a bad friend because I can’t stand idly by and try to find the good in their partner? Why should I be forced to like or put up with someone who hurts the people I love? That sounds crazier to me. I was raised to stand up for myself and my friends. I was raised to care about the people I cherish in my life, but I was also raised to walk away when problems became unhealthy.

I guess this whole thing is something I’ll tell my therapist.