Love is a choice?

Everyday we make choices. You choose to wake up and get out of bed or stay for 15 minutes checking your phone. We either eat breakfast or we don’t, we go through the day talking to old friends or are too busy with our work schedules. We make choices.

I read this really beautiful essay about a woman who took a class on relationships. Her teacher asked her high school class if love was a choice or if it was a feeling. The class responded with it is a feeling. Her teacher told her that if you base love on a feeling, you will never have a successful, long lasting relationship. The assignment this teacher made was going into the world and asking adults about their marriages, whether they were still married or not, and why. Overwhelmingly, couples who stayed together said they chose to love each other beyond small bumps in the road or quirks. Those who were not married anymore made the point that they chose to leave because they felt they could not fix the problems. People choose love, or they choose to move on from love.

Before reading this article, I never put much thought into love and relationships. My mindset was based on romantic comedies or fairytales. I watch my friends in relationships and think, ‘damn, I will never be in a relationship like that’. Lately, I have been thinking about why I don’t agree with their relationships. Sometimes it’s the controlling nature of the situation, constantly letting them know where they are or hanging out with a certain group because their partner doesnt like their other group. Sometimes its the personalities of their partners, they don’t like the persons friends, and they put no effort in trying to get to know anyone else. Other times it is because I feel that my friends are settling. They could do so much better in their lives, and they are settling for a person who cares about them but is holding them back from their goals or opportunities.

After reading this article, I thought about how I view relationships. All of the adults in my life that I look up to are married or in committed relationships that are healthy and happy. All of my goals in the next five years of my life either require me to travel or move around, and I am not sure I’ll meet someone who can be supportive in any of those situations. But now I am considering if I am choosing not to fall in love with people because I already assume that they won’t be supportive.

Love is a choice, and I’m still trying to figure out if it is the right one for right now.

I guess this is something I will tell my therapist.