Self Deprecating Humor
Anyone who knew me before I was 21 knew that I lacked confidence. I believed I was ugly, my nose was too big for my face, and that my stomach fat was the reason that boys didn't show interest in me. It took me 21 years to figure out that I was a dick.
The ugliness only accompanied my horrible personality that repelled people from wanting to acknowledge my existence. I constantly spouted negative comments, only thought about the degradation of society, and consistently shamed those around me for their looks and quirks.
This is not to say that I am any better, I am still too loud to sit in a library, laugh obnoxiously at jokes about penises, and spend way too much on makeup and clothing in hopes that others will think I have my shit together.
I compare myself to a garbage can, trash pile, or 14 year old dude at least twice a day. My favorite joke about myself is that I am built like a 12 year old, flat-chested, little to no ass, and ridiculously thin. Most adult clothing brands do no carry my bra size or jean size. I have a difficult time flirting with guys because I am invariably aware that most guys think I am fragile. I am told by bitchy girls how boys will never like me because of my small sizes and weird height.
This confidence blow has only made me work harder on my comedy. Everything has to be a joke, from my religion to my major to my feelings about others. Nothing I say is to be taken seriously. These quirks have made me grow a thick skin, but they have also made me extremely picky on who I spend my time with. My self deprecating humor is for friends who get me, not bitchy girls who wish to tear me down. At parties, I hope it is my humor that makes me new friends, not my newly acquired looks.
Since turning 21, and now 22, I am growing to love the way I look, and confidently changing my appearance as I wish. I believe I am one of the more confident people I know, but I also think that comes from growing up, and overcoming an extreme ugly stage that lasted ten years. My garbage can comparisons are part of my ongoing stand-up act, my self deprecating humor invites others to feel more relaxed and at ease.
Maybe in ten years I will look back on this stage and think, wow I was so depressed and completely unaware of it. But as of right now, this is just another thing that I tell my therapist.